3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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