I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
