so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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