I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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