whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
