I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
