I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
