i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sorry my hands just texted you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
