that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
