i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
