Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
