So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
