I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
