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I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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