They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
