just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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