HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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