it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
