it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
