I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
