Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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