every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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