I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
