why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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