He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
