Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
