i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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