i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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