Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
