I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
