So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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