$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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