Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
