Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
