The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
