I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
