the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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