hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
