I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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