i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
