could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
A+ Viking dick
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
