i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
