I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
