i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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