He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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