so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
