Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
