what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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