Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
