I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
